On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
