i think my tv is drunk
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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