Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
