sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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