Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
