Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
