Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
