Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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