i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
