its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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