I hate your face
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
