I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
