You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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