The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
