So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
