When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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