time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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