Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
