Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
