Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
