New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Michael Bay diarrhea
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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