It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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