I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
