Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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