my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
