How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I deserve this hangover.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
