So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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