Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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