she looked like the before picture.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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