I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
