im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
