I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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