The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
