I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Im part way to drunk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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