also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
