i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I look better un-naked...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
