my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
