I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
