:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
