How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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