Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
