how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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