Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
