I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
