if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
