so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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