P.S. I can't hear my feet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
