we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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