Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize