So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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