She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
