Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
