if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
