He had one of those small greek statue penises
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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