I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
