just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
