Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They took my balls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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