I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
