got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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