'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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