if i can run in heels then i can drive
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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