I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
