Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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