I want to walk on stilts...naked
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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