I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
