Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
