Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
