You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
