its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
